spinning like a loon
Warning: This post will probably be not typed accurately due to extreme case of tennis elbow.
okay. So I joined a gym two weeks ago. I’ve been going five days a week doing 40 minutes of cardio on the elliptical, rowing machine, recumbent bike and treadmill plus ab workout. I’ve lost 7 lbs which is great. I decided on the urging of my trainer, to try a spin class. I’d always wanted to try one as I’d heard fabulous things about the amount of calories it burns and what a great work out it is.
Saturday morning I ventured to the eleven o’clock spin and abs class and said to myself that I would do as much as I could. I decided to hide at the back of the room so that nobody could sit behind me and would have to endure the sight of my arse flopping around for the next 45 minutes. Although, in retrospect perhaps it would have been good motivation for them ie "Jesus, spin faster, I don’t want to look like this girl!"… Needless to say, I was the heaviest and least in shape person in the room. I didn’t have any expectations to keep up with the other cut and lean people who took their places next to me. They seemed nice and chatty and offered to help me set up my spin bike when I couldn’t even loosen the handle to adjust the seat (ahem)… So, Gavin our instructor comes in, sparkly white runners and looking trim and fresh as a daisy. In the meantime I finally got to grips with the foot straps, tying them so tight there was no way I could escape short of cutting my leg off with a bowie knife. Gavin explained that he wouldn’t be actually doing the class with us today but would tell us instructions and count us in to each exercise as he was only off crutches recently. Fair nuff.
Gavin pressed play on the cd machine and immediately loud, FAST, thumping dance tunes reverberated around the room. We started cycling at our ‘own’ pace. This lasted one minute then we were told to cycle as fast as we possibly could. I did. ok yes this was fine. We continued the one minute intervals a few times and then we were told to bring our chins to the handle bars and back up on his count. Great I thought, a work out for my arms as well. Excellent. We did this and then alternated arms and then combined each side with a middle dip as well. By this point (about fifteen minutes into the class) I really started to sweat. It was dribbling off my chin and splashing on the floor below and I’m sure if it was quiet I would have heard the drip hit the floor such was the rate of flow. I thought to myself ‘this is brilliant, just think of all the calories you’re burning!". I couldn’t quite keep up with Gavin’s count for the press ups but I kept going without dying so I figured I did well for my first spin class EVER. Especially as this was only my second week of doing proper, consistent exercise in about seven years.
Warm up and arms work out complete, we moved on to the legs, tightening and releasing the tension on the wheel to give more resistance as instructed by our leader. We had to slightly move our bums up off the seats (which at this point was trying to impregnate me) and focus on working the legs while keeping the top half of our bodies supported at arms length over the top of the handles. oookay. I started out great, then all of a sudden lost all feeling and strength in my thighs and arse. I plopped back down onto my red hot poker of a seat and continued to cycle, standing up when I felt some life come back into my upper legs. Important thing was, I didnt stop. Nope I didn’t. I’m still not sure which was worse though, sitting down on the red hot poker coated in nine inch nails that was quickly becoming my worst nightmare, or standing up trying to support myself and keep cycling with my miserably failing muscles. (traitors). I did what I could and continued on through the torture, repeating to myself that I would not run screaming from the room. Firstly because I couldn’t run as my legs were jelly, and secondly because I couldn’t get my feet out of the straps. Eventually numbness took over my arse so I could sit down on the seat again. It felt like heaven (well actually it didn’t, but because I couldn’t feel pain anymore it felt better).But given that my legs were now on fire, it was a definite improvement in circumstances.
My nemesis then announced that we were going to start the cool down. Thank fuck. Our cool down consisted of more interval cycling, more dips in various combinations while being seated (or should I say impaled). By this time I had a puddle of sweat building under my bike, despite my towel being draped conveniently across the handle bars. I knew if I ran now that I would surely slip in the ever deepending puddle and then have to walk out of the room with a big sweat puddle patch on my arse to the smirking of the albeit now panting and sweating exercise-a-holics.
Finally we had one last resistance section to do, pump the tension up to full and cycle as fast as we could for 30 seconds followed by dropping the tension completely and cycling at our own pace. Lemme tell ya, I c-r-a-w-l-e-d my way around this part. I wasn’t fighting resistance, I was fight life itself trying to get enough oxygen in to keep concentrating on moving my legs at all. Finally we were finished and were untethered from our bikes to continue stretches - to ensure we weren’t sore in the morning. PAH!
I knew my reward was a lovely long soak in the jacuzzi downstairs after the torture was over. I joined the rest of the spinning freaks in the studio next door and dutifully did the abs work out (well as much as I could) with thoughts of hot bubbling water soothing my tired arms, torso and legs keeping me going.
Eventually we were released on good behaviour and I ran (well, more waddled) to the changing rooms for a shower and to hop into the jacuzzi. I grabbed my bag (or rather fell on it, pleading with it to remove itself from the locker as my arms weren’t responding to any requests to move from my brain)….eventually we compromised and after a brief scuttle around the floor, discovered I had no swimsuit. oh jesus. oh no. no heaven, no bubbles, no nice warm relaxing jacuzzi.
I returned home, and sat at the table slurping tea and water for another hour before I felt in control enough of my faculties and extremities to brave the stairs for a shower.
Later that day I dutifully took massive doses of ibuprofen, paracetamol to relieve the pain my elbows. Nope, not my legs (they’re sore but nothing particularly bad), but my elbows are in bits. In fact, I have tennis elbow. From a spinning class. Go figure. I also have the feeling back in my nether regions and while at the moment sitting down is a major trauma, I’m told this too shall pass.
Despite all this, next spin class is Wednesday, although I shall be going easy on the arm exercises. I shall also be sporting 3 pairs of knickers, 3 pairs of shorts, 3 layers of cotton wool and track bottoms before I even think about sitting on that goddamn bike seat again.
