Alligator Pie & Other Good Stuff

Warning: This post will probably be not typed accurately due to extreme case of tennis elbow.

okay. So I joined a gym two weeks ago. I’ve been going five days a week doing 40 minutes of cardio on the elliptical, rowing machine, recumbent bike and treadmill plus ab workout. I’ve lost 7 lbs which is great. I decided on the urging of my trainer, to try a spin class. I’d always wanted to try one as I’d heard fabulous things about the amount of calories it burns and what a great work out it is.

Saturday morning I ventured to the eleven o’clock spin and abs class and said to myself that I would do as much as I could. I decided to hide at the back of the room so that nobody could sit behind me and would have to endure the sight of my arse flopping around for the next 45 minutes. Although, in retrospect perhaps it would have been good motivation for them ie "Jesus, spin faster, I don’t want to look like this girl!"… Needless to say, I was the heaviest and least in shape person in the room.  I didn’t have any expectations to keep up with the other cut and lean people who took their places next to me. They seemed nice and chatty and offered to help me set up my spin bike when I couldn’t even loosen the handle to adjust the seat (ahem)… So, Gavin our instructor comes in, sparkly white runners and looking trim and fresh as a daisy. In the meantime I finally got to grips with the foot straps, tying them so tight there was no way I could escape short of cutting my leg off with a bowie knife. Gavin explained that he wouldn’t be actually doing the class with us today but would tell us instructions and count us in to each exercise as he was only off crutches recently. Fair nuff.

Gavin pressed play on the cd machine and immediately loud, FAST, thumping dance tunes reverberated around the room. We started cycling at our ‘own’ pace. This lasted one minute then we were told to cycle as fast as we possibly could. I did. ok yes this was fine. We continued the one minute intervals a few times and then we were told to bring our chins to the handle bars and back up on  his count. Great I thought, a work out for my arms as well. Excellent.  We did this and then alternated arms and then combined each side with a middle dip as well. By this point (about fifteen minutes into the class) I really started to sweat. It was dribbling off my chin and splashing on the floor below and I’m sure if it was quiet I would have heard the drip hit the floor such was the rate of flow. I thought to myself ‘this is brilliant, just think of all the calories you’re burning!". I couldn’t quite keep up with Gavin’s count for the press ups but I kept going without dying so I figured I did well for my first spin class EVER. Especially as this was only my second week of doing proper, consistent exercise in about seven years.

Warm up and arms work out complete, we moved on to the legs, tightening and releasing the tension on the wheel to give more resistance as instructed by our leader. We had to slightly move our bums up off the seats (which at this point was trying to impregnate me) and focus on working the legs while keeping the top half of our bodies supported at arms length over the top of the handles. oookay. I started out great, then all of a sudden lost all feeling and strength in my thighs and arse. I plopped back down onto my red hot poker of a seat and continued to cycle, standing up when I felt some life come back into my upper legs. Important thing was, I didnt stop. Nope I didn’t. I’m still not sure which was worse though, sitting down on the red hot poker coated in nine inch nails that was quickly becoming my worst nightmare, or standing up trying to support myself and keep cycling with my miserably failing muscles. (traitors). I did what I could and continued on through the torture,  repeating to myself that I would not run screaming from the room. Firstly because I couldn’t run as my legs were jelly,  and secondly because I couldn’t get my feet out of the straps. Eventually numbness took over my arse so I could sit down on the seat again. It felt like heaven (well actually it didn’t, but because I couldn’t feel pain anymore it felt better).But given that my legs were now on fire, it was a definite improvement in circumstances.

My nemesis then announced that we were going to start the cool down. Thank fuck. Our cool down consisted of more interval cycling, more dips in various combinations while being seated (or should I say impaled). By this time I had a puddle of sweat building under my bike, despite my towel being draped conveniently across the handle bars. I knew if I ran now that I would surely slip in the ever deepending puddle and then have to walk out of the room with a big sweat puddle patch on my arse to the smirking of the albeit now panting and sweating exercise-a-holics. 

Finally we had one last resistance section to do, pump the tension up to full and cycle as fast as we could for 30 seconds followed by dropping the tension completely and cycling at our own pace. Lemme tell ya, I c-r-a-w-l-e-d my way around this part. I wasn’t fighting resistance, I was fight life itself trying to get enough oxygen in to keep concentrating on moving my legs at all. Finally we were finished and were untethered from our bikes to continue stretches - to ensure we weren’t sore in the morning. PAH!

I knew my reward was a lovely long soak in the jacuzzi downstairs after the torture was over. I joined the rest of the spinning freaks in the studio next door and dutifully did the abs work out (well as much as I could) with thoughts of hot bubbling water soothing my tired arms, torso and legs keeping me going.

Eventually we were released on good behaviour and I ran (well, more waddled) to the changing rooms for a shower and to hop into the jacuzzi. I grabbed my bag (or rather fell on it, pleading with it to remove itself from the locker as my arms weren’t responding to any requests to move from my brain)….eventually we compromised and after a brief scuttle around the floor, discovered I had no swimsuit. oh jesus. oh no. no heaven, no bubbles, no nice warm relaxing jacuzzi.

I returned home, and sat at the table slurping tea and water for another hour before I felt in control enough of my faculties and extremities to brave the stairs for a shower. 

Later that day I dutifully took massive doses of ibuprofen, paracetamol to relieve the pain  my elbows. Nope, not  my legs (they’re sore but nothing particularly bad), but my elbows are in bits. In fact, I have tennis elbow. From a spinning class. Go figure. I also have the feeling back in my nether regions and while at the moment sitting down is a major trauma, I’m told this too shall pass.

Despite all this, next spin class is Wednesday, although I shall be going easy on the arm exercises. I shall also be sporting 3 pairs of knickers,  3 pairs of shorts, 3 layers of cotton wool and track bottoms before I even think about sitting on that goddamn bike seat again.

We have been having a lot of anti social problems around our house. I’m putting up a copy of the e mail I sent to local TDs, councillors and the resident’s committee who have since come on board to put pressure on the council to put more security measures in place. We’ll see what happens.

Dear Sir
My name is Noosk, and I live at my house.
I’ve lived at my house for 7.5 years, since it was built. During this time we have encountered several incidents of anti social behaviour resulting in damage or loss of property and personal injury.
Our car was burnt out and was a complete write off.
My husband’s previous car had it’s windows smashed in and CDs stolen.
My husband’s work van had it’s windows smashed in.
Our children’s toys were robbed.
The shed was broken into (it was locked up securely) and a number of items stolen.
We constantly have to pick up and dispose of broken beer bottles, broken bicycles, scooters and other toys which are tossed and abandoned over the railings between our house and the main road.
The last incident occurred yesterday evening and is the last straw.
A number of youths had illegally entered our neighbour’s back garden and were scared off by another neighbour’s return home. In their mad dash to escape they stopped to topple over and throw around our bins. My husband ran out the door upon hearing the noises to chase them off. I followed him out not knowing why he had run outside, to be greeted by five teenagers hurling abuse at us. One of them then threw a full bottle of beer at me which hit me in the chest and shoulder and resulted in bruising and cuts. We were threatened that we were now ‘marked’ and that they would be back to ’smash our house in’. The teenagers were clearly drunk and clearly under age. We had seen them earlier that evening walking up and down the main road in front of our house and they appeared to be under the influence of alcohol at that time and were shouting abuse at younger children riding bikes, chasing them and threatening injury and demanding their bikes etc.
WE ARE SITTING DUCKS here.
Due to the lack of both security fences (the railings currently in place are easily climbed) and noise prevention measures, I expect we will continue to encounter such antisocial behaviours.
I implore you to put our case forward to the council to persuade them to put in place some measures of security as is your remit. Below are a few suggestions which could be implemented as preventative anti social and noise pollution measures:
The continuation of the wooden high fencing around the front of my estate at the railings facing onto the junction and onto the main road.
CCTV cameras at the junction (this would also help with the number of OVER 3 tonne trucks which CONTINUE to use the road illegally).
Increased Garda patrols around the area - the only time I see a garda car is when they are escorting prisoners or politicians.
As you can imagine, we are now very fearful leaving and returning and simply living in our house due to the threats and continued violence and anti social behaviours we’ve endured. I have two children under the age of six and am concerned for their safety while we are in our house. We have no recourse, we were told by the Gard’s that they could do nothing despite me identifying and giving the ADDRESS of some of the perpetrators of criminal damage to our property.
 I now ask you, what can you do to help us? Living here is becoming a nightmare and quite frankly unsafe.
If you wish to find out more or discuss this issue with me and some of my neighbours please contact me.

Noosk

This is my own version. I’ve tried a few and taken my favourite bits from each.
Serves 4

for the marinade:
4 chicken breasts cubed
pinch of salt
1 tspn garam masala
1 tspm ginger
1 tspn chilli powder
1 tbsp chopped garlic
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp melted butter
2 tbsp olive oil
200 g natural yoghurt (If i don’t have the yoghurt i do without)

For the sauce
2 tbsp butter
1 tbsp garam masala
1 tbsp ginger
1 tbsp chopped garlic
1 tbsp chopped chilli (green preferably, red is fine too)
500g passata
250mls water
2 tbsp honey
200g double cream (single cream works as well if you don’t have double - or for lower fat use natural yoghurt)

Directions:
Mix all the marinade ingredients together in a bowl and toss in the chicken. Refrigerate for 3 - 4 hours, overnight even better. I’ve marinated for only 1 hour previously and it was still good.
Heat large saute pan
melt 2 tbsp butter until melted
add in garam masala, ginger and garlic until softened and it comes together and really starts to small strong.
Add in chopped chillis
Put chicken along with all the marinade sauce in the pan and brown for 5 minutes
Add in passata, water and honey and simmer for at least another 20 - 25 minutes.
Just before serving add in cream until warm through.
Serve over basmati or long grain rice and naan bread.
Enjoy.

If there is leftover sauce, enjoy it later with warmed pita or naan bread as a snack.

A friend of mine gave me this recipe so I’m not sure whose it was originally. But it is absolutely delicious and fed us for two days running. As usual I tweaked it a little from the original and this is what I came up with.

2 chicken breasts - cubed 

2 sprigs of fresh thyme (or a tablespoon of dried)

3 tbs balsamic vinegar

2 tsp brown sugar

4 tbsp olive oil - I used less as I thought that was a bit oily

10 cloves of garlic (bash them a bit so they’re split open)

1 punnet of cherry tomatoes (cut in half) or 1 tin of chopped tomatoes

salt & pepper

150 g Fettucine or whatever shaped pasta you’d like - I did it with penne and it was fine

50 g grated or shaved parmesan cheese

In a pre oiled (olive oil will do fine) saute pan with a lid, cook chicken until browned all over.  Add in thyme, balsamic vinegar, brown sugar, olive oil, garlic and tomatoes and season with salt & pepper.

Continue to simmer for 25 minutes.

Meanwhile cook your pasta in a pot of water with salt and a drop of olive oil (stops it sticking together).

When the pasta is ready, toss in the tomato dressing.

Serve and top with parmesan cheese.

Enjoy!!

You could also change the chicken for bacon.

My god I am listening to war of the worlds read by members of Star Trek and Star Trek the Next Generation here and it is just amazing.

The dialogue just fits and the words are so real to their time. No wonder the eastern sea board were totally psyched out the night it aired. It’s fantastic and oh so scary. No music at all going on which makes it really stark. Just what it needs as the story, the idea, is a scary stark fictional reality. Raw with just the background noise of war, death, fighting, all filtered through the wonderful honeymoon period of the wireless sound from the early nineteen thirties.  Wow Leonard nemoy’s voice is so eerie. So alone and plaintive. So vulnerable and gravelly and stark. Yes that word again. Brent Spiner has just come on the scene now and he sounds so evil and mad and driven to want to live despite the terrible circumstances. Poor Nemoy sounds tired and like he’s given up. I can’t see him but I can hear all these emotions of despair, tiredness, exhaustion, sadness, loss and finality from him.

Great acting is just so much more obvious in audio only format rather than being spoon fed the scene as in television. I love it.

hookay.

Fentimans make wunnerful drinks. The UK drinks company, around for 104 years are one of my favourite drink companies. Just to be clear, they make SOFT DRINKS, like Ginger Beer, Curiosity Cola (move OVER Coca Cola - this truly is the REAL thing!),  Seville Orange Jigger and a host of other delicious refreshments which are suitable for GENERAL CONSUMPTION.They are available in the UK, Ireland and the good ‘ol US of Democratic A.

In an astounding display of democracy today, the Attorney General of the great state of Maine, ruled that Fentimans botanically brewed drinks can no longer be sold to minors due to the LESS than 0.5% alcohol content (the company says it’s closer to 0.3%).The Office of the AG stated that Fentimans drinks are considered ‘imitation liquor’ due to the (minute) alcohol content. To put this into context, you would have to drink 28 bottles of the stuff to consume the equivalent alcohol levels found in a pint of beer. To be even clearer, you would have to drink over 7.5 Litres of Lemonade. Besides the obvious tummy ache resulting in drinking 7.5 L of anything, not to mention the epic trips to the loo - how long would this take to achieve without your eyebrows swimming? I cannot think of anyone who would willingly drink over 7.5L of something to achieve a pint buzz. If yutes wanted to get drunk, they would simply get their hands on beer or spirits or some other liquorously evil beverage. It’s a lot less work to get pissed on a pint of beer than 28 bottles of Lemonade and it’s cheaper. Under 21’s wouldn’t be bothered spending over $50 to get a buzz when they can get a couple of cans for a couple of dollars. Nevermind Under 21’s, I and most people I know wouldn’t spend $50 on a pint of beer! Only morons and people who drink Bling or Kona Nigari  water would consider this and if they’re that way inclined they most likely wouldn’t be able to chug 7.5L anyway - they might break a nail.

Okay so now that we’ve established it’s REALLY HARD if not impossible to get drunk on Victorian Lemonade, I must point out that another strike against the Fentimans brand came from their bottle packaging. The AG believe that the GLASS (wicked stuff that glass) bottle was similar to beer bottles and therefore insinuated that the "appearance, taste and smell is designed to carry the impression to the purchaser that the beverage has an alcohol content." So by their logic, Root BEER should be banned as well. Yes? No? Especially if it’s in a glass bottle and the fact is says BEER on the label. Does this mean that ANY glass bottled beverage gives the impression of containing alcohol because it looks similar to alcohol? Is that not what this piece of legislation is saying or should I say insinuating?  Personally I much prefer the glass bottle, it’s recyclable, reusable and there is less chance of product contamination than plastic bottles which have long been suspected of leeching Bisphenol A which can lead to infertility, obesity and several types of cancer. This sounds very much like a witch hunt to me - right locale anyway - they’re experts in the practice around those parts aren’t they?

Fentimans have NEVER marketed their drinks than anything other than soft drinks. They do not promote imitation liquor drinks simply because they don’t make them! Their marketing is a heavily stylised turn of the century, retro feel which appeals to a more mature consumer. Not to mention - they make soft drinks! (Oh have I said that before?). They do have a Shandy available admittedly, which again is less than 0.5% alcohol - but it’s marketed upfront as a Shandy brewed drink and is FDA approved for general consumption. Unbelievably this story broke on the back of some student bringing a bottle of the Lemonade to school and upon seeing the label indicating the less than 0.5% alcohol content, brought it to a teacher in case he would get in trouble for drinkin’. The snow ball rolled from there - all the way to the AG’s office where it should have been flamed and melted away. But, the Maine, ban everything bandwagon ensured the snowball kept rolling. Way to go Maine! What’s next? Slush Puppies can contain up to 2% Ethanol. Watch out Maine or you will have a whole generation of 5 year old alcoholics on your hands!  Mouthwash can contain up to 27% vol alcohol - you may actually fail a breathlyser test if you’ve very recently rinsed your yak hole. Apple Cider is also fermented and therefore could have a small amount of alcohol in it from the fermentation process. Over the counter cough syrup is far more accessible to Under 21’s if they want a buzz.  And oh, some contain codeine - isn’t that an opiate?

Suffice to say I would be far more concerned with young people over indulging in cough syrup or easily bought Solpadeine than having a six pack of Victorian Lemonade.

Fentimans are available in Ireland in Fallon & Byrne (Dublin) and The EcoShop (Wicklow) and probably elsewhere so please add other retailers in the comments section below.

Next round of Fentimans is on me!

to write. Alas, I don’t have time. Will dream up some doozy for later.

for changing my theme over the last few weeks. I’m trying to see what fits us here at Alligator Pie HQ.

recipe for 1 serving

2 eggs
tspn butter
glug of milk
salt & pepper

how to:
put eggs into bowl and then use an electric mixer to whizz them up till they are seriously fluffy
halfway through add in milk and seasoning
keep mixing till there is more froth on top than liquid underneath
melt butter in pan
pour in eggs and allow to set on the bottom
DO NOT STIR - rather LIFT the eggs around the pan for about 2 minutes
put ‘em on hot buttered toast and eat - they are so silky and fluffy like this. delish

makes 6 - 8 depending on how big you make them - you can also use beef mince or pork mince - i use turkey because it’s low in fat
1 tablespoon chilli oil
450 g turkey
salt & pepper
garlic chopped
handful of parmesan cheese (or gruyere or any strong aromatic cheese)
rosemary - heaped teaspoonful if dried, or two branches of fresh

how to cook:
mix up (with your hands) turkey, salt & pepper, garlic, parmesan cheese, rosemary
shape into balls
flatten them slightly and cover and leave in fridge for 30 mins (if you have the time, you don’t necessarily need to do this)
heat up pan with chilli oil
fry on medium heat until juices run clear and they are cooked through
eat